Post #49.7: Old dog, old tricks

I do not have ambivalent feelings about this drug.

I know that title kind of makes me sounds like an elderly prostitute, but I'm not talking dirty here-I'm talking STEROIDS.

There was a plan in place-a plan to wean me off of steroids and replace them with a medicine I could take long term. My AAC, however, had other ideas, and a definite preference for the little pink pills (not lady Viagra-that's what color my steroids are). I weaned, I flared, I bought the t-shirt, and now I'm back right where I started.

The current theory (and really, medical opinions are three steps up from a Crohn's magic 8 ball, if such a thing existed) is that the new med was "exacerbating" (great word!) my flare, and I need to go back into remission before I try it again.

Let me explain right now that it's hard to keep a single train of thought going here, because my brain is like a coked up hamster on a greased wheel (I just made that up! Spin wheel, spin!).I've been on the steroids for 4 days-96 hours-and I've felt better than I've felt in months. I didn't take a nap today. I am HUNGRY. My colon explosions are reduced. I want to go places and do things. All day I've been remembering things I've read and watched, seen or heard, throwing them into conversation like I might forget them all tomorrow. I'm making lists in my head, lists that don't seem daunting, but doable. I might go out to eat. I don't feel spacey or run down or exhausted. I can feel my mind start to make connections, everything snapping back into place and fitting together like Lego's.

It feels good.

You know what else feels good? Being off the new medication. My hair stopped falling out. My weird dreams are gone. My stomach doesn't hurt. I'm not nauseous all the time.

And yet this is a bittersweet interlude, because I know it is temporary. It's a cold realization, to know that 3 little pink pills can patch you up, but only for a short amount of time. I feel like I'm on vacation from my disease.

I'm supposed to call my doctor as soon as I feel like my symptoms are under control again, so I can start up the new med (again). But frankly? This is my brief, fleeting opportunity for a little normalcy, and I might take some time to make that call.

I have some business to take care of, and some living to do, before I head back to the grind.