Post #57: HULK SMASH

This friendly druggist looks hiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiigh as a kite.

I haven't had a good old fashioned rant in a while, have I? No? Well then, let's get to it!

I don't hate my pharmacy. The people who work there, in general, have been helpful with problems both mundane (calling my doctor/insurance company a million times to process a new prescription) and sensitive (I have to put the Q-tip where?!). When dealing with any medical personnel, and I include pharmacists/pharmacy techs in this group, I try to observe a basic rule of etiquette:

DON'T BE AN ASSHOLE.

This goes for any human interaction, really, but is especially important in situations where people are performing services that are intended to help you. If you're at the pharmacy, at the counter, don't suddenly forget the hemorrhoid cream and run around looking for it, leaving 5 people waiting behind you. Don't talk loudly on your cell phone while you rifle through your massive purse for your credit card and hold up the line. Don't yell at the pharmacy tech if your doctor is the one who fucked up your prescription. Be patient, say thank you, TURN OFF YOUR CELL PHONE, and don't be an asshole.

All of this is to say: I try to be nice.

Cut to last week, when I went to pick up a prescription and was told the company had switched manufacturers for this particular generic. The thought filled me with dread. Yes, chemically, the drugs will be the same. But a pill is not made up of chemicals alone-there are also fillers. Seriously, check your bottle of Advil. It doesn't just say "Advil" on the list of ingredients; the pill itself, the coating, the color-these are all additives. So, technically, two generic pills might have the same chemical components, but different fillers.

Example time! Let's say Giant Drug Manufacturer A uses ground up mice penises as a filler, and Giant Drug Manufacturer B uses freeze dried bat turds. Your body may tolerate mice wangs better than guano. The chemical component of the drugs is the same, but the fillers might be different. I don't care how many pharmacists tell me this, but that means it is NOT THE SAME PILL. Unless both pills contain the exact same chemical ingredients AND the same fillers, they are.not.the.same. They are not pill twins-they are more like pill step brothers. End rant #1.

When I got the new drugs from the new manufacturer, I tried to keep an open mind. Sure, my body had adjusted to mice, but who's to say it couldn't embrace bats? I tried it out for about a week. My sleep got jacked up (who wants to wake up every 2-3 hours? Not this girl) and my hair started falling out (again). I was jittery and irritable and pissed off. Do you know why a company switches manufacturers? Because they get a cheaper deal with the new manufacturer. This makes hulk ANGRY.

So I called the pharmacy to see if they had some of the drug from the old manufacturer laying around. "No problem, we can just order it straight from them. From now on, just remind us to special order it from the old manufacturer." Let's break this down pharmacy (Hammer time!): to try to save money, you switched my drugs around and made me sick. Now, you will be forced to special order me the old medication, therefore costing you more money. HOW DOES THIS MAKE SENSE!?

I called my doctor to get a new prescription, and immediately stopped taking the new generic drug. Hey, guess what happened? Sleep returned, and my hair stopped falling out. Since I need to be on this drug, but didn't want to take the new craptastic generic, I called the pharmacy everyday to see when the old drug was in stock. This lasted a week. Finally, I had the following conversations:
 
ME: (see above-explained it to the tech)
Tech #1: Hmmm. Let me check on that.
Tech #2: Hello? How can I help you?
ME: Explained EVERYTHING all over again.
Tech #2: Hmmm, let me check on that.
Tech #1 again: Ok, I see you have enough of that medicine to last you another few weeks. What can we help you with?
ME: MEDICINE MAKE ME SICK. BLERGGGGGGGG. NEED OLD MEDICINE.
Tech #1: Ok, let me check on that.
 
(This was the moment when I stopped playing solitaire to focus on my rage.)
 
Pharmacist: Hello, how can I help you?
Me (actual words): ARE YOU SERIOUS? I AM GOING TO LOSE MY SHIT.
Pharmacist, after I had explained the whole thing again: Ok, I am going to need to get approval from your insurance company to refill this prescription. I"m not sure if they will approve it, they usually don't when people just prefer one generic over the other.

 
(this was the moment when shit was lost)
 
Me: Prefer?? PREFER?! This is not a question of preference, the new generic makes me SICK. I PREFER not to be sick.

Pharmacist: So the old generic didn't cause these symptoms?
Me: NO.
Pharmacist: Oh, well that's different.
 
(shit is lost into the stratosphere)
 
Um, more things were said, and it was a 15 minute "conversation" with at least 3 different pharmacy personnel. Look, it sucks being sick and needing a million different pills to keep your colon in check. What I don't need is attitude from a pharmacist who thinks I would waste my time making a fuss because my prescription is a different color. But I PREFER pink! It matches my decor! Riiiight. Nothing condescending or invalidating about that!
 
So thanks, pharmacist, for assuming I'm not the ultimate expert on how a medicine makes my body feel, and for doubting my judgement. One of my favorite past times is randomly calling pharmacies with complex medication issues and seeing how long I can keep various staff members on the line, working on my conundrum! Some people collect stamps, but I really feel like the maddening exchange with your staff is ultimately more satisfying.
 
End rant. Enter soy ice cream, spoon, stress eating, and angry muttering.