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| After an exhaustive search, it was determined that I have no candy up my butt. |
Pro: The morning of, a friend sent me the following encouragement:
"For tomorrow, because I have no idea what to say before someone goes in for a roto-rooting: [pounds fist against chest then raises it in salute]."
AWESOME.
Con: Prep. Even though the pill prep was less vomit inducing than drinking the "jug of fun" (as a pharmacist called it the other day), it still required swallowing 32 giant salty horse pills and then, you know, cleaning house. And by house I mean colon. And by cleaning....well, you get the picture.
Pro: It's over!
Con: For whatever reason, they wheeled me into the treatment room 45 minutes early and left me there, giving me ample time to stare at the apparatus that would soon be introduced to my AAC. It is really, really long, and the controls look like a video game joystick. Also, I couldn't really explore the room (extra blankets and emesis basins and extra lube, oh my!) because my "tether" (whatever you call the tube connecting me to the IV) was too short. Not that I tried....
Pro: The nurses there are SO FREAKING NICE. The nurse in the procedure room was joking that I had really come in for a day at the spa, and when I left I would have a spray tan. My doctor joined in: "let me go get the cucumber slices!" I'm not sure what prompted this, or why everyone thought it was funny at the time, but I appreciated the attempt to bust out a little humor pre-butt scope.
AMPs for the win!
Con: This is kind of a big one. For a number of reasons, I wasn't able to be fully sedated for the procedure. I was high, sure, but also aware that there was a pokey foreign object in my colon. I kind of floated in and out, but I remember being uncomfortable and kind of panicked about being awake, but also too drugged to really panic, if that makes sense.
In a last ditch effort, they gave me some benadryl, but the problem wasn't a mosquito bite, but more a giant flexible hose in my AAC. At one point, I must have closed my eyes, and I heard my doctor say, "Oh good, she's finally asleep" to which I replied, "NO ACTUALLY I'M STILL HERE."
Good times!
Pro: Even with the SURPRISE! discussed above, I am still not scared of having a colonoscopy. Nothing truly terrible happened, and I won't be developing a complex over this. The benefits far outweigh the downsides, and awake or not, I'll still have another when I need one.
So-colonoscopy? Check. Follow up appointment scheduled? Check. Back to eating delicious solid foods? Checkcheckcheck. Decision on whether to start the new scary medication? TBD.
I feel like this was a hurdle (a hurdle I asked for, to be fair) that I had to clear to start off 2013. One way or another, that happened, so now it's on to the next.
Would a good ad would have been a dehyrdrated-looking someone with an ill pallor crumpled on the bathmat, clutching a bottle of gatorade, hair all messy, and a thought bubble reading " why can't scientists shift their focus away from floppy dicks and towards me not feeling like Death swung his scythe through me every day?"
ReplyDeleteBecause, after reading your blog, that sounds more accurate than a powersuit on the potty.