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| Yup. Still pissed about this. |
I am feeling super tired and gross today (partially my fault, partially my colon's fault); it's been a busy week of crossing stuff off my to-do list, and it's like I'm in an end of the week energy slump. Some stuff I did:
1.) Got through the first appointment with my doctor without crying.
This is big. I met him pretty much a year ago, and have always done the ugly cry in his office. Perhaps it was getting over the hump (ha, hump) of having him meet my AAC in person (goodbye, last vestiges of dignity!) but I felt like this was the first time I was able to have a calm, rational discussion about my situation without being emotional or reactionary.
Since it was my one year anniversary, I really wanted to ask him if he was SURE, really sure, that this was Crohn's. As I didn't want to seem like a complete moron, I may have phrased it like, "Are you sure you didn't find a magical tape worm up there? This is definitely Crohn's?" but the answer would have been the same: yes. It may seem odd that I'm still questioning this, but (and this is difficult for me to believe) Crohn's has only been on my radar for a year. I have only had this diagnosis for a year. It's not like a pregnancy test-you don't pee on a stick and have a little blue colon pop up, like, congratulations! It's IBD! So, after two colonoscopies, as assload of testing, a few flares, and a couple dozen handfuls of steroids later, I guess my stick finally turned blue.
2.) Got scanned
Since I am steroid free (woooo) I finally got a DEXA scan. Basically, they scan your spine and hip to make sure your bones aren't disintegrating due to prolonged steroid use or lack of calcium absorbsion. Sexy! This was the least invasive procedure I've had this month. (see #3)
3.) Got probed
And then learned this bit of intel: did you know that if you have an autoimmune disorder, you need yearly PAP smears? I mean, if you're a lady. I DID NOT KNOW THIS.
4.) Exercised, and felt ambivalent about it
I am so tired of being tired. Every time I work out-something I convince myself is in my best interest-I need a 2-3 hour nap. After a tough work out, I used to like the feeling of sore muscles-a little reminder of all the ass you kicked at the gym. Now, as my butt muscles protest when I climb the stairs, it just makes me cranky. Like, great, I'm exhausted and now I'm sore too. DAMN YOU TOTAL BODY CONDITIONING! It just makes me question the point of working out at all, right now-I started this because I thought it might give me more energy, or some kind of mental boost, or calm my AAC, but it just makes my ass tired (and not lifted). Sigh.
5.) Donated blood (to the lab)
A quick AMP story: for whatever reason, the phlebotomists at the hospital are uniformly hilarious. After my appointment, I went to get blood work done, and as the guy was cinching my upper arm with rubber tubing I peeked at the number of vials (4) he was about to fill. He was a pretty quiet guy, and when he saw me looking at the tubes he kind of smiled and handed me the packet with the needle in it. "Did you want to draw the blood? Go for it." I laughed and said I was just seeing how much blood he was going to take. Without missing a beat, he replied, "Just the 4 the doctor ordered. And then of course the extra 2. For Craigslist." He was so matter of fact about it, my eyes got big and I kind of looked at him in horrified confusion before it registered as a joke. We both started laughing and then we talked about how weird it is that some doctors are squeamish about their own blood. Good times.
That's all I've got for now. Over and out.
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