Post #94: Triple D's, and not the fun kind

Too true, Xzibit. Now go pimp my ride POST HASTE. 

All is not well in AAC land.

The new scary medication and the steroids are not getting me where I need to go (i.e., to solid food island. I am currently stuck in "everything makes me nauseous" lake). The new medication needs time to work, of course, but it is worrisome that there haven't been significant signs of improvement since my little jaunt to the ER. I'm exhausted and every day seems like a new opportunity to feel like shit in one way or another. Sigh.

I'm supposed to keep pushing solid foods, but when a small bowl of white rice or a piece of toast has the capacity to ruin my evening with nausea and pain, it's hard not to develop a complex about eating. I usually stick to smoothies and juice and popsicles and soup (with crushed up crackers that become soggy), but everyday I'm supposed to try something bland: rice, toast, eggs. Then I wait and worry and hope for the best (or wake up at 3 am feeling like I'm about to puke). It's daunting and depressing and disheartening. Triple D's, and not the sexy boob kind.

Yesterday during my doctor's appointment I learned that there is a time frame for this daily game of chicken I've been playing with my colon. I'm giving the scary new medication three more weeks and then I'm scheduled for an MRE to check up on the status of my AAC. In the meantime, I also need to bump up my prednisone dosage (fun times!). I halved it, because of what I like to refer to as "coked up hummingbird syndrome" , but apparently the dose I'm on now is not considered therapeutic. Assholes.

If at the end of this time period things have not improved, then there might need to be a medication shift or more drastic intervention, something I don't want to think about right now. You know shit just got real when the nurse calls to check in your "emotional state" after your stressful doctor's visit (also because you called her like 4 times because she forgot to phone in your prednisone prescription, but it was still nice that she was concerned).

I spent all morning watching "yoga for Crohn's" videos on YouTube and thinking of ways I can make myself feel more proactive during this waiting period, but the truth is that I am pretty exhausted (as my doctor said, it's hard to be perky on a diet of broth). I can probably fit in a few side bends and happy baby poses in between napping, going to the grocery store, and playing angry birds, and maybe that will help.

I guess the point to this whole post, if there is one, is that I feel like I'm approaching yet another crossroads, and I am concerned. Ok, I am scared. I am scared and there is nothing I can do but try to eat toast and wait.

Which is a weird position to be in, when there is so much at stake.