Post #38: This post is brought to you by the letter "I" (imodium!)

Doesn't this look wholesome? Also, the only thing I can eat in this photograph is the tablecloth.

I was really emotional when I wrote the last post-I think it's because I'm sad that I only have four days of steroids left (sob). Yesterday, I was having cramps and a lot of diarrhea, and I had a haircut appointment. I have short hair, which actually means I need haircuts more often, or my hair gets shapeless and frizzy. A few weeks ago I encountered a really pissed off baby robin (it was in the middle of the street, so of course I had to get involved. I poked at it with a flip flop I found in my car, which it attacked, but eventually it kind of hopped/waddled into a ditch). The bird was at an in between feathers stage-out of his (her?) big boy bird feathers, these little downy feather strands were poking up at odd angles, which is kind of what my hair looks like between cuts. It's less defined and looks messy. There are women who get their nails done each week, who tint their eyelashes and wax their lady parts and shoot toxins into their laugh lines. To each her own-I like to get my hair cut every month, and if I don't, I get kind of twitchy and do dumb shit like try to cut it myself, or wear unfortunate hair clips.


I really wanted to go to that appointment.


So I took an Imodium, waited at my house as long as I could, grabbed a plastic garbage bag in case of emergency, and booked it to the salon. An unfortunate start to the morning, but at least I didn't have an accident (of either the vehicular or colonic variety). My AAC is so freaking unpredictable these days; I used to get a rest day between explosions, but it's been pretty much every day this week. Imodium is also kind of tricky-too much can slow things down to the point of painful constipation, and too little might mean you poop in the car. Imodium pills are also really small, so while you an cut it in half, anything smaller means you end up with minty green colored pill crumbs. Basically, I think I took too much yesterday, as I was in a hurry to shut off the faucet and get out the door, but I have a feeling I'll pay for it eventually.


In the next two days, I have more appointments, and while I specifically scheduled them for the early afternoon, there still might be a few stressful rounds of "can I or can't I leave the toilet?!" that I have to play. There are times-say, when you're in the dentist's chair, getting a cavity filled-that you just want your AAC to cooperate, and where you don't want to grab a garbage bag and a change of clothes and go merrily about your business.


The weirdest part about yesterday, as I grabbed my keys and headed out the door, was that I made the choice to venture out into the world in the midst of an AAC freak out. I decided that the thing I wanted (a haircut) was more important than the reality of the situation, which was complete unpredictability. It's not often that the scales tip that way.


Today I got a call from a work friend, and it reminded me that in September, I have classes to teach. I have what you could consider daily appointments with my students. It's one thing to roll the dice with a trip to a salon; another, to do the same and have to stand before a group of teenagers.


I know I'm not ready to go back to work yet. Hopefully, whatever intervention I choose next will give me more options in September than grabbing a hefty (ok, Costco brand) bag and hoping for the best.