Post #20!

I don't know about the calm part.....

My 20th post! I am being so consistent with this whole blog thing. And, if you've been following along with the rest of the class, consistency is what I need.

I've had trouble finding my rhythm this week. I had two non-Crohn's related doctor's appointments, with their attending stresses; to sum it up, I basically got a nose pap smear, but with slightly less scraping. FUN TIMES. Also, and this is a random tangent, but I was at a dinner party last week where the subject (after a lot of imported plantain gin) turned to male/female parking habits and the male need to "angle in" (or back up into) a parking spot to show off their parking prowess. Being a mediocre parker in the best of circumstances, I've never felt the need to increase my likelihood of hitting other vehicles or ramming my car into random obstacles I can't see in the rear view so that my getaway is FIVE SECONDS FASTER, but at this particular medical facility I spent TEN MINUTES waiting for various males to back their over sized SUV's (and in one case, a seriously gigantic caddy) into tiny compact spots while the rest of us waiting to pass and avail ourselves of the DOZENS of available spots around the corner. Ugh.

Moving on, back to my discombobulated week. What really gets me is the eating-I'll try to stick to a boring, healthy regimen, and then I'll get lulled into a false sense of security and, oh, eat an entire basket of chips (with salsa!) at the mall. That day, I'll feel great! My colon will be pleased! Two days later and it all falls to pieces and I spend the day on the toilet. I just don't get it.
I'm still getting over the cold/flu I had last week, and in combination with the colon drama I feel tired and drained. And bloated. And a little nauseous. And cranky.

Today I got something in the mail from my insurance company that scares the crap out of me (like I needed help in that department). I haven't read the particulars, but basically the note was like, hey! we noticed you had Crohn's! Why not enroll in our new Chronic Condition All Stars Program?! We have special nurses just for you sickies! We'll coordinate with your doctor! It will be awesome! Now fill out these 10 forms and let's take a moonlit stroll down the beach *kiss*

Now, far be it from me to suggest that the insurance company has anything less than altruistic motives in grouping the chronically ill into a group and monitoring (micro-monitoring? Did I just make up a word?) their progress, but the whole thing seems creepy and intrusive. Besides the depressing fact that Crohn's is grouped with other diseases like diabetes, Alzheimer's, and Parkinson's, this whole venture, with its shiny informative brochures, seems suspicious. It seems like a way to focus in on these specific diseases and gather information, information that could later be used to deny coverage for specific procedures or validate insurance adjuster interference in the treatment process. I don't know, as I said I haven't read the fine print, but a lot of the questions are super, super specific:

1.) In the last six months, has your condition improved? worsened? Has your colon fallen out?
2.) Rate your overall health: excellent, poor, superman, average

Really, insurance company? Do you really need to be all up in my business? If you really wanted to know, couldn't you just look back through my claims? Do I have to make it easier for you to categorize my health for your unknown purposes?!

Suspicious.

I don't think I will be participating in this little pilot program.

I know that they know that I have Crohn's-it's not something I can keep secret. But being hit over the head with this knowledge was disconcerting. After I read the letter, I curled up in bed with a book, feeling sick, and tried to forget for a while.