Post #31: Is there such a thing as colon yoga?

Annnnd push all thoughts about your ulcerated colon away......

All of the blogs/online articles/waiting room liteterature/books about Crohn's talk about stress relief. I think this is mostly because there aren't too many proactive things you can do about your Crohn's, so the literature throws us a bone: "Although it hasn't been proven effective in alleviating any of your symptoms, it hasn't been disproven either! So bust out the yoga! Meditate! Relax! It's not as though you have a chronic autoimmune.....oh right."

For a long time, when dealing with my anxiety, my body often clued me in to what I was feeling long before my brain caught on that something was amiss. My posture would change; my shoulders would ache from being clenched all day; I would find my hands curled into fists even though I felt calm. Back when I felt more attuned to my body, I would notice these postures, and recognize them for what they actually were: physical manifestations of emotional turmoil. Now, my body sends a lot of different signals all the time. It's hard to weed through the symptoms and pain and, think, aha! My body is tense. What is the source of my anxiety?

Of course, with the Crohn's, there are many obvious sources of anxiety, and scenarios that invoke worry and concern. Recently though, with the steroids still on board (yes, still tapering), I have been able to seperate, to some extent, some of the colon anxiety and some of the life anxiety. And as usual, the anxiety starts in my body.

Some examples: recently I had a super stressful hour long phone conversation. I realized I needed to divert my brain and blow off some steam, so I headed to my craft shack (dining room, whatever). I was sitting there, fiddling around, when I noticed that my ear was killing me. I thought, great, on top of all of this shit I now have a raging ear infection, and I'll have to take antibiotics, which will further piss off my AAC, SUPER AWESOME WHY IS THIS HAPPENING NOW. Scowling and muttering obscenties under my breath, I started to massage my ear when I realized......my jaw was clenched. And it had been since the conversation, an hour earlier. The pain from my jaw had travelled all the way up into my ear, and all the way down to my neck. As soon as I started to open my mouth and stretch my jaw, the pain went away.

When I fall asleep, I find that one of the most comfortable positions is to wrap my arms around myself under a few layers of blankets-and I stay in that position all night, holding on to myself, buried in sheets.

Since I started to notice these things, I also noticed that throughout the day my shoulders inch towards my ears, in a kind of perma-hunch, like an arthritic turtle trying to get back into his shell. It's been a constant new mantra: shoulders down, head straight. As I go to and from the bathroom: shoulders down, head straight. As I check email: shoulders down, head straight.

I think I might need to try some of this relaxation business.