Post #63: I am AAC (hear me roarrrrr)

I'm blogging 30 posts in 30 days for National Health Blog Post Month with @wegohealth.

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I REMEMBER THIS! I think I had the yellow bear.

 

Le prompt: Disclosure post. How do you decide what to share? What do/don't you share?

 

As a proud child of the 80's, the picture above is the first thing that came to mind (caring is sharing!). Oh, if only I lived in a land of multi-colored bear friends, with happy flowers and clouds and rainbows (and I guess other shapes? It's been a long time) that shot out of our abdomens. Good times.

 

Back here in reality, it's a dicey issue about what to share and what to keep private. I mean, I haven't even disclosed my name, which should tell you about the reticence I feel when writing about my AAC online. My inbox is filled with half written posts that I've copied and pasted and sent to myself, posts that were either too personal, too gross, too whiny, or a combination of all three.

 

A lot of those posts are about my family, and their reactions to my Crohn's, and they didn't always paint these people in the kindest light. Getting this diagnosis meant change and adjustment for all of us, and it was not always a graceful process (still isn't, sometimes). I don't think they know about this blog, and I am certainly not going to tell them. The family dynamics that play out on the periphery of my Crohn's experience are not what this blog is about. To explain another way: I've written in the past about this being a very internal (physically, duh, but also emotionally) disease. Unless you're running to the bathroom or having an accident in a store somewhere, most people are not going to look at you and say, oh, she's got Crohn's (and probably not even then). My family members, however, get to see (and hear about!) this disease in all it's ugliness. They already see more than I am comfortable with, and I don't think they also need a peek at what's going on in my head.

 

So I don't write about family (usually), and I don't share this blog with them, but pretty much everything else is on the table. I did once delete a post that was too graphic (medically, not like 50 shades style), just because it grossed me out; but on the other hand, I did write about how I pooped on the couch. In the beginning, when I was undergoing all of this testing and taking a leave of absence from work and spending a huge chunk of my day in the bathroom, I basically lost my give-a-shit. I didn't care about trying to protect my modesty or maintaining decorum or even adhering to the whole "if you wouldn't discuss it at a dinner party, don't WRITE ABOUT IT ONLINE" idea. I was beyond caring. I was getting introduced to Crohn's, and I learned that there is nothing cute, pretty, or quiet about this disease. I started writing accordingly.

 

I tend to over share in person, so I'm sure that comes across here. I'm pretty open and honest about what I'm experiencing, because sugarcoating the truth about this disease serves no one. I would hope that if someone I knew read this blog, they would not be too horrified by the things I disclose, and that they would gain a better understanding of what it's like to live with Crohn's. That's it. You don't need to know my name, political persuasion, shoe size, or favorite color to appreciate what I'm going through, so I stick to the basics. I am AAC, I have an AAC, and that's what I'm here to talk about.