Post #69: Don't call me Morty. Or Al.

I'm blogging 30 posts in 30 days for National Health Blog Post Month with @wegohealth.

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Thanks for taking your shoes off kid.

 

Prompt! Anatomy Post. Re-label an anatomy picture with new names/descriptions for your body parts.

 

There was another prompt, but I felt compelled to talk about this one. I know that technically, on this blog and in real life, I have renamed my colon AAC. There are a few reasons for this:

 

1.) I've talked about this before, but I was sick of people asking, "how's your butt?" (or as one family member called it, my "mad asshole").

 

2.) I needed a catchy name for this blog that didn't include the words butt or asshole because, well, do you want a blog called "Asshole Central"? That could be about many different things besides Crohn's.

 

3.) AAC is good shorthand for Crohn's + inflammation + IBS +  weird reactions to food + general gut crankiness.

 

Now, I'll have friends/family members ask, how's your AAC? It's simpler that way.

 

I read other IBD blogs, and many people have re-named their colons with people names. I think that's stellar, but it doesn't track with me. Yesterday, I tried to express how blogging is an individual endeavor, and how there is no one size fits all format to expressing personal experience. Some people put pictures of themselves on their blog (and use their real names!); some have FB/Twitter profiles and connect with people that way; some name their colons. I don't do any of those things, and that's ok too. I abstain because I don't think any of those things would reduce my stress or give me a more positive outlook on Crohn's.

 

I haven't given my colon a jaunty moniker because doing so wouldn't change my relationship to, or experience with, this disease. If my colon was named Morty, would that ease my symptoms? Probably not. Would talking about my colon using an old man name (nothing against it, love the name!) be easier? Definitely not. Would using the name add a certain levity and joie de vivre to my blogging? Maybe, it's still not going to happen.

 

I assume that the reason people choose to name their colon is that putting a face, if you will, to the organ makes symptoms seem less scary and daunting. Saying "Morty is acting up again!' is a lot less frightening than saying "Wow I was in a lot of pain today!" Maybe having a Morty, or a Jason or Becky or Dr. Evil or Batman, allows people to separate from the disease. Maybe Dr. Evil is making you miserable, not Crohn's. It's his fault that you're sick-and it's comforting to assign blame to anyone else. I suppose naming your colon, like naming you lady parts, could be an act of affection, but I doubt that's why so many colons wear name tags.

 

What I do think the naming process probably helps with is connecting your colon, and therefore your disease, to other people. I think naming your colon allows other people to be more comfortable with your disease, and more likely to discuss it and ask questions. Talking about Crohn's in an abstract and humorous way lessens the severity of the condition, and therefore people's discomfort about the topic. This is great, and if having a Morty lets your friends and family talk about your disease in a more playful or lighthearted way, then I'm happy for you both. But just like I don't call my vagina "Her Majesty the Queen", I don't call my colon by any other name. I think doing so pokes fun at something that isn't really that funny to me.

 

I would never go to the doctor and talk about my colon in the third person: Morty is having problems with painful gas! Morty is having a flare! I can say the name: COLON-and I can say the disease-CROHN'S. I think that it's important to use the real names for symptoms and anatomy associated with this very real disease process. I understand this is a pretty humorless stance, and also a semi-hypocritical one, as technically I do have an AAC. But that designation is more due to laziness than wanting to make my colon, or Crohn's in general, more shiny happy fun times.

 

Look, I think it's awesome if naming your AAC helps you be more comfortable with your body, or makes you laugh, or even makes your friends/family more comfortable talking about your Crohn's. Anything anybody can do to make ANY OF THIS a little easier is great. For me, personally, it feels weird. Just like I like my doctor's offices to look like......doctor's offices, I like my anatomy to be called by the name you'd find in a textbook. Call me old fashioned, call me boring, call me the killer of all things fun-just don't call me Morty.