Um, I'm not going to put the NHBPM logo at the top b/c I kind of failed at that. Oops.
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| Elephant butt! |
Here I was at the beginning of the month, all excited to join in the daily blogging fun....and it was fun, until it started to feel like work. Honestly, I don't like thinking about my AAC in such targeted, specific way EVERYDAY. I felt like all of the prompts were getting all up in my business (I mean, I guess that's the point-introspection and what not) and, being the non-confrontational sort that I am, when something gets all up in my business I walk away. Thus, the blog holiday.
The prompt for today is about one thing I would like to accomplish in 2013. I have many goals, some health related, some not, but what I'm working on before the end of the year is coming up with 2013's motto. A good friend of mine from college has a tradition of designating a yearly motto instead of writing out resolutions. I heart this idea for many reasons: having a guiding principle instead of super specific goals allows for latitude, and decreases the risk of disappointment and failure. It provides inspiration throughout the year, and it becomes a touchstone of sorts. My motto for the last few years has been the same, and I'm looking for a change.
For the past few weeks, I've been working out at a local community center, taking group fitness classes with descriptors like tone! and sculpt! (JAZZ HANDS!) With the exception of a truly horrifying Zumba class (It was not pretty. I looked like a newborn calf, all spastic movements and flailing limbs. I didn't fall down, but I did kind of want milk afterwards, ha), I've been enjoying myself. The women in these classes-40, 50, 70, 80 years old-bust out some serious moves. They use heavier weights then I do, and out bend the shit out of me in yoga. It's simultaneously humbling and aspirational.
It should surprise no one that I am a back-wall exerciser, the kind of girl who wants to stay away from the mirrors and have a convenient wall to lean on when I get out of breath. The fellow wall leaners have adopted me into their group, and are now pressuring me to take aqua-aerobics. One of them works out in a cashmere sweater, insanely fashionable eyeglasses, inter-locking "C" Chanel stud earrings, and shiny pink lipstick. Today, after some hard core lat work, she plunked down her weights and proclaimed, "Well, just forget it!" and leaned on the wall. All that was missing was a freshly lit cigarette and a dramatic eye roll. I bet she drinks martinis and used to sneak out of 6th period. She's kind of awesome.
The teacher walks around and corrects/harangues people, and after a particularly taxing set of some sort of plank-mountain climber hybrid torture exercise, I was daintily perspiring (hahaha) when I saw her well toned calves out of the corner of my eye (I may have been laying on the floor). Thinking she was going to nudge me with her foot and tell me to get my ass in gear, I huffed, "Just taking a break! Going to start again! Starting right now!" She smiled at me and replied, "Look, you're just starting out and you're doing great. You don't eat an elephant in one bite. Keep it up!" and walked away.
My first thought, as it forced it's way through my frazzled, exhausted mind, was: WTF? Who eats elephants? Next, I had the ridiculous mental image of someone sneaking up on an elephant with a fork in hand and I snorted. Luckily, the wall leaners are an accepting sort, because I must have looked particularly attractive at that moment, passed out beside the stair-stepper and laughing at imaginary jokes in my head. Moving on.
I got through class without vomiting (yeah!) and as I was driving home, I kept turning the phrase over and over in my head. You don't eat an elephant in one bite. Besides being kind of a disgusting prospect, I like the notion of seeing the enormity of the task at hand and just, um, digging in. Starting somewhere. Making progress but knowing there is much work ahead of you. Steeling yourself for a long, slow process of change; accepting that it may be weeks or months before you see the benefits of your hard work.
2012 has been all about damage control and seeking safety. I feel like I've been plodding along without direction, afraid to commit to a plan and risk upsetting what little peace I have attained. It's not that I haven't been doing the work-I'm just working without purpose, and accepting my lack of progress as the price I pay for maintaining the status quo. I don't know what 2013 will bring, but I do know I need a kickass motto to help me steer towards a different place. This new motto-you don't eat an elephant in one bite-is a contender. Perhaps not PETA approved, but a contender nonetheless.
ps: post 80? whoooooo
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