Post #16: I miss Salad

This is not me, but this is how I feel about SALAD.

When I googled "salad is evil," there was this full on glamour shot of Richard Simmons with kale and Boston bibb and cabbage covering his naughty bits. I would have put it here, but it was too horrifying. You're welcome.

In the battle between salad and my AAC, guess who won? If you guessed my AAC, I thank you for your confidence, but you are WRONG. Salad kicked my ass. Arugula, more specifically. And it wasn't even a whole salad!

There is this hippie-crunchy restaurant in town that serves what they call a "garden bowl." It is essentially made out of anything green you can cut up/tear into pieces with some carrot and cabbage shreds, sprinkled with soy nuts and sunflower seeds and topped with a big halo of sprouts, which I don't eat because:

1.) I read one two many stories about them being contaminated by e. coli

2.) They remind me of public hair.

3.) They taste vaguely like dirt, but mostly for reasons 1 and 2

MOVING ON, in the good old days I used to go to town on that salad. It was just the right combination of healthy and delicious, with a perfect mix of textures. I shudder to think what that would do to my AAC if I were to eat it now.