#17: In which I waste a lot of water

For those times when you need extra special freshness after you poop in a stranger's toilet.

So, I was house sitting over the weekend, and in addition to picking up a cold/flu deal, I also got to unleash my AAC onto a new and different septic system! I know there are some people who are afraid of public toilets, who bust out the "squat" when they have to pee in the mall, but I've never been one of those types. Which is surprising, considering my germ issues (I Lysol the TV remote. I also use Lysol as a verb), but I've never met a toilet that was too foul for me to befoul, so to speak. Especially with Crohn's/IBS, you can't be too choosy about the caliber of any available loo.

So here I was, chilling at a new house, and the complete alteration of my careful schedule made my AAC especially pissy. During the taper, I've been trying to eat at the same times, and eat a lot of the same foods, and eat more healthfully, and stay hydrated, and generally coddle my digestive business. Unfortunately, you can't transplant your entire kitchen or anal-retentive routine into someone elses house. There will be new foods, and different eating times, and a weird bed, and the stress of listening to your loud neighbors party it up until 5am. Thus: same colon explosion, new toliet.

One of my greatest fears is clogging a toilet at someone else's house. It is disastrous for a number of reasons, besides being gross and embarrassing. There is a certain judgement implicit in having to confront someones waste. I once had a friend clog my toilet, and a part of me was definitely judgemental, thinking, what is wrong with this person? What kind of man beast unloads such an unholy amount of poop at one time? As I handed over the plunger, avoiding eye contact, I felt that an invisible line had been crossed. Some things should be done in secret, and never acknowledged. A little (ok, a lot) of the mystery had been erased from the friendship.

Now, this was pre-AAC, and I've since become pretty freaking open and honest about my bowel movements. I like to share. However, I recognize that for most people, like it used to be for me, it's a topic best left to discuss with immediate family members and medical personnel.

For these reasons, at a stranger's house I generally do an exploratory flush to determine the strength of their plumbing and its capability to handle my output. This house had a WEAK FLOW, which made me nervous.

Thus, when the time came, I think I flushed about 10 times, each time waiting for the comforting gurgle that signaled a successful transaction. When I was done, I felt like I had somehow sullied the bathroom, that my presence and my AAC had made the place soiled. I was so, so careful, and yet I still felt dirty.

I know I can't help the way my colon acts. There is nothing neat, quiet, or dainty about this disease, and I have to alter the way I think about being a guest, or using public bathrooms. And if I have to flush 10 times, or 50,  it will still be preferable to doing the walk of shame to ask for a plunger.